Things Birthparents

Should Keep In Mind

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. Remember that your birth son is your son. And your birth daughter is your daughter forever, despite the time and distance that separate you.

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. Due to lack of communication in closed adoption, people tend to take on mythic proportion. Don’t let any social worker intimidate you. You have the right to know non-identifying information.

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. Being a birthparent can make you feel completely isolated. Reading adoption- related books and attending a support session can help a great deal. If you’re not comfortable with the first support group you attend, find another. Or start your own.

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. Keep in mind that through searching, you are preparing yourself to meet your grown child. They are the ones being found, and it may feel scary and confusing to them at first. Not getting an an immediate response isn’t necessarily rejection. It is a period of adjustment and growth.

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. Just as you need closure and healing from closed adoption, so does your child. An adoptee has the right to ask you about medical histories or relatives and the name of the natural father.

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. Try your best to prepare for any possible outcomes. The adoptive parents may have had children of their own, or they may be deceased. There is always the slight chance your son or daughter was never told about the adoption. He or she may have “fit in” very easily, or they might have always felt like an outsider.

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. Do your own search, if possible. You will gain confidence and a sense of empowerment.

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. There are hundreds of support groups for those who grew up adopted. Offer to help your son or daughter find one that’s right for them. They will have some issues that only another adoptee can fully understand.

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. Separating a new mother and her infant is a completely unnatural act. You must face and accept the pain this caused. It was a traumatic event that cannot be forgotten.

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. Always think of yourself as a survivor, not a victim.

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